Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
