He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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