she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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