Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
