ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
