he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
