Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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