So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
