Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
