Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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