Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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