I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
