i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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