i think my mom watched the whole time
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
