oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
