he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
