need another drink. this is the easiest way
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
