can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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