Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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