It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
