Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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