i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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