things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
thus making me awesome and them whores
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
