It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
