a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
