is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
where am i from again
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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