My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
