i was born a porn star she said
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
