the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
