just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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