They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
