Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
