I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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