I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
