She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
