My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
