She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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