babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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