I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
