His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
