thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
