The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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