Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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