a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
