I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There r osticjed everywhere
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
