Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
