He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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