Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
