I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
