New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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